SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 2020
The Fourteenth Sunday after Pentacost
Today’s Gospel lesson is based on Matthew 18 which deals with Conflict Resolution. In it, Jesus introduces us to a challenge for two people (or parties) –the offended and the offender – and for two different processes –forgiveness and reconciliation.
Jesus knew perfectly well that his disciples were going to have conflicts with each other. So, here is his Word on that subject.
First, it should be noted that there are many people who often use this text in the wrong way. So, let us not overlook the purpose of this: Jesus did not give us these steps so that we can get rid of people who bother us, who sin against us or with whom we disagree or dislike!
The purpose is not to get rid-of, but to gain! Therefore, if you run to this passage when you want to punish someone and get rid of them, your spirit is wrong and you will not likely use the procedure correctly. Jesus identifies the purpose at the end of verse 15, to gain your brother. That should be your hope, your goal! So, please don’t get engaged in process if you seek to win.
- Now, let’s get-on with it.
In many opportunities, you might have heard people saying: “I will not forgive until the other person: 1) knows that wrong was done; 2) feels an inner sorrow for doing it; 3) apologizes to me; 4) and makes amends. Then I know it is safe to forgive and enter back into the relationship.”
Rather, what we read in the Bible is:
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.
Colossians 3:12-14
- Dear brothers and sisters: Forgiving does not require an apology
There is an important difference between forgiving and reconciling. FORGIVENESS is a moral virtue in which the offended person tries, over time (NOT in eternity), to get rid of toxic anger or resentment (btw, not healthy at all) and to offer goodness of some kind to the offending person.
Reconciliation is not a moral virtue, because it is not something you can do on your own, but instead is a negotiation strategy in which two or more people come together again in mutual trust. Then, it requires the effort of both parties. A different kind of effort on each side.
With forgiveness you start with the inner quality of a motivation to rid yourself of resentment and the inner intention to be good, within reason, toward an offending person. If the person you have already forgiven (because you don’t have any negative feelings) has no inner sorrow, never intends to apologize or to make amends, then you (probably) do not exercise the outward quality of forgiveness directly to that person. Yet, you still can have the intention to reconcile if the person substantially changes and the interactions become safe. Or you even can show an outward quality of forgiveness, while protecting your own space and integrity, to make clear your intention of reconciliation.
Suppose now that you decide to make the following rule for your life: I will not forgive if I cannot reconcile. What, then, are the implications for your own inner world, for your own psychological and spiritual health? Deep anger from injustices can lead to a lack of trust in general, undermining potentially uplifting relationships. The offer of forgiveness can be unconditional, not at all dependent on the other’s response of any kind, including an apology.
RECONCILIATION requires the participation of both parties. It demands forgiveness, real CHANGE, and acceptance of forgiveness. It also brings new insights about who we are and adult Christian growth. Humanly speaking, when at least one party is deeply and unfairly hurt, reconciliation is conditional, dependent on how the offending party or parties understand their hurtful ways. That’s true…
- BUT let us talk now about JESUS’ HOPE.
Can you remember the phrase above; “The purpose is not to get rid-of, but to gain!” Never lose sight of the purpose, to gain the brother. People need time to heal, but it is not for eternity.
Presiding Bishop Michael Curry has invited us to become (citing Martin Luther King Jr.) a beloved community.
But what is the Beloved Community in MLK’s own words? (7)
“The end is reconciliation; the end is redemption; the end is the creation of the Beloved Community. It is this type of spirit and this type of love that can transform opponents into friends. It is this love which will bring about miracles in the hearts of men.”
-Martin Luther King Jr.
What Jesus means by “…let him be to you like a Gentile and a tax collector” is that the impenitent brother who insists on malice, enmities, strife, envy, quarrels, dissensions, factions, gossip, bulling or refusal to let go of anger (this last applied to both sides), etc., excludes himself (and his ministry) from the beloved community, but Christians (the Church) can never close their hearts to reconciliation.
Jesus gave us to understand that conflicts would come because He knows how different we are. On many occasions, our problems won’t come only from the sin of the human heart. During and after reconciliation, we might learn much about our differences. Often, we judge others in haste. And there is also a mixture of both.
The reasons we dislike some individuals are often complex and, at first, indecípherable. Often, we are automatically averse to people who are different because they compel us to question our values, spirituality, culture, and ideologies, threatening to undermine our self-assurance. In fact, our aversion to specific individuals may actually be our response to our fear that specific qualities we see in them also exist within us.
Your aversion to certain individuals may not wane over time, yet the comprehension you gain through reflection can help you interact with them sympathetically, benévolently, and with a greater degree of kindness.
“Dismiss all anger,” says St. Thomas of Villanova, “and look a little into yourself. Remember that he of whom you are speaking is your brother, and as he is in the way of salvation, God can make him a saint, notwithstanding his present weakness. You may fall into the same faults or perhaps into a worse fault. But supposing you remain upright, to whom are you indebted for it, if not to the pure mercy of God?”